Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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