Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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