My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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