i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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