i love accidental penises.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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