Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
