i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
