Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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