clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
