Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
