It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
