we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
