We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
