How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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