Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
