There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
smell my finger.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
