I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
