Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
