after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
