My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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