I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
