ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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