One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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