Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
