my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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