she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
