Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
