So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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