$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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