I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
