Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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