party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
