i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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