It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
