my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
