Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
