You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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