What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
