Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
