My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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