Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
did i just pee glitter
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
