If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
