So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
