I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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