I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
