ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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