dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
