When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
