Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
