guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
