so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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