Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
