Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude i'm inner monologue high
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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