enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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