I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Randomize
