He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
